Don't Be Shy! How to Ask for a Second Date

Be brave. After all, what's the worst that could happen? They say no?

You're on a first date, looking across the table at someone new, you're talking, sharing stories, getting to know one another; you feel engaged, interested, and energized, and you're connecting on some level, maybe many, and hopefully, they are too. Physical chemistry is often the strong player at this point: you find them attractive, you're feeling good energy, they have a nice voice and beautiful eyes that draw you in...

As you share stories and start to tell each other who you are, you begin to discover similar interests, likes and dislikes: you're both black belts, your grandparents are from Timbuktu, you discover you both love to travel to hot tropical beaches for vacation. One thing leads to another and pretty soon, you've lost track of time, have hardly touched your meal, and the waitress is putting the check on the table. Is it time to ask for a second date? Yessss! and here's how:

Whether you're male or female, the one who asked the other for the first date or not, you can be the one to ask for a second date. It may not feel easy, but remember, you're in the dojo now, learning new skills that will help you find that special someone! Be brave. After all, what's the worst that could happen? They say no? They might, but then you know they are not feeling the same connection you are, and that's a very good thing to find out early on. But they might also say yes!

Since a first date is just the beginning of getting to know someone new, it's best to wait until you have spent some time together and have noticed some areas of compatibility, before you ask for the next date. The end of the date is often a great time to ask, but be patient, your mind should be focusing on the date you're on, and not rushing ahead to the "next step." If they don't beat you to it, how exactly do you ask for a second date? Easy! Just ask. During a lull in the conversation, or at a time that feels right to you, say something like, "I had a great time with you! There's a concert on Saturday at 8 I think you'll love, do you want to go with me?"

Coming up with a specific activity makes it easier to ask for the next date. Did your date mention they like skiing, walking in the woods, wine tasting, a certain type of music? Or do you have something or somewhere you'd like to share? Then take a deep breath and ask! Don't be discouraged if they say they are busy, try another day or idea, or ask them what they'd like to do. Even if they don't want to go on another date with you, most people won't come right out and tell you no. With some experience, you'll learn to separate those making excuses because they don't know how to say no, from those who want to get to know you better, but are truly busy.

Once you've agreed on a second date, don't be strangers in the interim: call, email, text, just don't overdo it—save some mystery for the second date and maybe the next one and the next one. This is a journey of discovery you've begun, so take your time and do it right. In the end, you'll be very glad you did!

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